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skin caked with sap of pine
can't catch against my roaring mind
the coat slips off my etched spine
it's a weight no longer carried and i'm freezing

03/1993

The boy picked up the phone next to his bed when it started ringing in the middle of the night, before it woke anyone else up. There was only one person who'd call at this time.
"Alan?" he managed to say, voice heavy with sleep, he could barely open his eyes.
There was a brief silence from the other side. A weak voice answered. "...Yanny, is that you?"
"Did something happen?" he asked, suddenly worried. "It's—"
"It's 4 am, I know, we just saw each other, but I needed to hear your voice." His breathing sounded labored.
"Are you alright?"
Another pause.
"Can we meet up? I could pick you up..."
"You can't drive in that state," he cut him off, forcing himself to think clearly despite the exhaustion. "Alan... it's the third time this week, I can't keep missing classes, I promised Nadia I'd help her with a presentation... And you shouldn't be skipping work either."
"I know, I know, I'm sorry. I'm a piece of shit for bothering you so late but I don't know what else to do, I can't keep going like this anymore. It's always the same, I just want it all to stop. It's my own fault for always ending up like this, right?" condemned the voice on the phone.
His stomach turned into a knot. "Can... Can you wait with Kevin until...?"
"He's not answering me, I think he's mad at me," he sobbed. "Please Yanny, don't leave me alone you too."
"Hey hey, it's fine, tomorrow's class wasn't that important anyways," he tried to calm him down as he got out of bed. "I'll get changed and be on my way."
"Alright..." He heard him relax a bit. "I don't know what I'd do without you."
The boy smiled. "You don't have to worry about that."

12/1998

The boy picked up the phone next to his bed when it started ringing in the middle of the night.
"Hello?" he managed to say, voice heavy with sleep, he could barely open his eyes.
There was a brief silence from the other side. A weak voice answered. "...Yanny, is that you?"
"Alan?" he asked, suddenly confused. "It's—"
"It's 4 am, I know, but I needed to hear your voice." His breathing sounded labored.
"What's wrong?"
Another pause.
"Can we meet up? I could pick you up..."
"No. First of all, you can't drive in that state," he cut him off, forcing himself to think clearly despite the exhaustion. "Secondly... we're no longer friends, we're nothing. I don't owe you this."
"I know, I know, I'm sorry. I'm a piece of shit for bothering you so late but I don't know what else to do, I can't keep going like this anymore. It's always the same, I just want it all to stop. I should just finish what I started last time and not cause anyone more problems, right?" condemned the voice on the phone.
He breathed deeply, trying to not let it get to him. "You know full well that’s not it, but I'm not gonna be the one to keep reminding you." Despite that, he couldn't help his gaze be drawn to the translucid figure near the window.
"Please, I don't have Kevin anymore, I don't have anyone, don't leave me alone you too," he sobbed. "You know I need you Yanny, at least just to talk."
The silence seemed eternal this time.
"Fine," he finally answered, getting out of bed. "I'll get changed and be on my way. You're in the phone booth on the corner, right?"
"Alright, yeah..." He heard him relax a bit. "I don't know how I managed so long without you."
The boy gritted his teeth. "Don't worry about that," he replied ashamed before hanging up.

a message to my brother sky
i long to hold your hand tonight
but when up against this summit's height
i'm tense, i'm small, i'm speechless and i'm freezing

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